Dear Hayley,
I feel like a complete failure right now. I’ve recently gone back to work after maternity leave with my second child, and I’m honestly just exhausted. Pretty much all my clients have come back to me, so I’m lucky in that way, but I feel like I never have a minute to myself and my husband keeps getting annoyed because I fall asleep whenever we watch something together. He recently got a promotion and he earns much more than I do, so I feel like he thinks my job isn’t important or hard. I feel like I’m drowning and it’s making me wonder whether I should give up my job to keep on top of everything else. How can I get my husband to see that my job is important to me? I want him to see that I love it and that I just need more help…
Vicky M
Hey Vicky, this sounds really tough. I feel for you, and I’ll be honest, you sound really burnt out to me.
It sometimes surprises people that burnout isn’t always caused by work. I often see hairdressers burning out from their responsibilities at home being too much for them – particularly after a new baby – leaving them with very little energy to bring to work. This can feel especially stressful in a job like ours.
It sounds like your responsibilities have just been growing and growing over the last few years, and now you’ve reached a breaking point. You can’t keep up with everything on your plate, and that’s no surprise as you are doing A LOT.
One thing you are very clear about is that you love your job and that it matters to you a lot – this is lovely to hear. The thing to remember is that sometimes work isn’t about money; it’s about your sanity (or doing something that makes you feel good about yourself!). So, it seems to me that you don’t really want to leave your job, you just want some things taken off your plate.
I think the best place to start would be a conversation with your husband. I like to call this a ‘renegotiation of responsibilities.’ I understand that discussions like this can feel hard, but it’s important to get your needs met in order to escape the burnout. How you are currently living is not sustainable.
Explain to your husband that you have too many responsibilities to properly manage anymore, but giving up your career isn’t a solution as it brings you a lot of joy and it’s important for your mental health. Be very clear about what elements feel too much and about what solutions you see.
It’s evident that what you want is some help. So, it seems to me that there are two options: 1. Your husband picks up some of the responsibilities or 2. You make a decision to outsource to paid help. It’s for the two of you to decide what is best for your family.
However, let me just say, I’ve never known anyone that regretted getting a cleaner, haha!
Good luck Vicky, I wish you well.
